Nashelle learns something about snap judgements...

Nashelle is waiting for the bus. She is going to work. A thin lad joins her at the bus stop. He has a carrier bag full of cans of Strongbow cider. He smiles. He has a pleasant face and Nashelle thinks she knows his sister. Another lad lumbers toward the stop. He is overweight with a doughy face and has a carrier bag full of lager and is drinking a can of Strongbow. Nashelle wonders if he is the brother of a chef she used to work with.
The two lads talk about alcohol. Then Doughboy makes a call on his mobile. He talks loudly to a female. ‘I could only get Fosters,’ he tells her. ‘She’ll have to be happy about it,’ he says to Thinboy. Nashelle wonders what kind of girl would go out with that kind of boy.
Dough-boy drains his can and throws it in the bushes.
‘He’s a proper litter lout,’ Thin-boy says. He seems embarrassed. Nashelle wonders if he really did say this or if she has read his mind. She thinks Thin-boy is probably intelligent and wonders why he is wasting his life on booze. She is disgusted with Doughboy and has to stop herself from telling him how bad it is to throw cans in bushes, that little creatures can crawl in them and get trapped, and why didn’t he put it in his pocket until he finds a bin? Nashelle is not pleased to have spent the last ten minutes in the company of piss-heads.
Thinboy and his mate walk away from the bus stop. They look up and down the street, scuff the curb and chat about nonsense. Nashelle looks in the opposite direction and thinks how nice it would be to have her own car and drive to work and not have to come into contact with people like this.
‘Hey, love, the bus is coming.’
Nashelle looks up.
`Doughboy is calling to her. The bus is coming down the hill. Nashelle jumps up from the seat. She hadn’t realised she was lost in thought. Oh god, she might have missed the bus; she would have had to wait for the next one and would have been late for work. She looks at Doughboy lugging his bag of Fosters. ‘Thank you,’ she says.

Last Wednesday

3.00: After work Nashelle stops at Tesco. She phones home and a deep voice answers. Who’s that? she asks. It’s me, answers the voice. It takes a moment for Nashelle to work out that this is Son2 and not her husband. What would you like for dinner? she asks. Corned beef pie or chicken, he says. Nashelle is overcome with love for this young man who knows what he likes. She wants to cwtch up on the sofa with him and watch a film like she used to before he discovered the internet. Nashelle puts her nagging thoughts of free-range and vegetarianism aside and buys a fresh chicken.

On the way home she meets Son1. He is on the way to the hairdressers. Nashelle is overcome with love for this young man standing so tall in front of her. She wants to sit him on her knee and read to him like she did when he was small enough to sit on her knee.

6.00: Dinner goes well: Husband complains about something watery on his plate and Nashelle makes a mental note not to cook pumpkin again; Son2 accuses her of deliberately forgetting that he doesn’t like parsnip; Son1 wolfs food, ignoring his cabbage, and runs back to his room. Nashelle is so happy that the family has eaten together at the table that she decides not to argue over who will do the washing up and does it herself.

7.00: Husband asks if Nashelle minds him watching the football or does she want to watch something else? Nashelle is crocheting a dolls dress for a friend’s niece and says she doesn’t mind. Nashelle is overcome with love for this man who is so considerate. She wants to lie against his bare chest and talk like they used to before the children stopped going to bed early. At half time Husband announces that he’s going to the pub to watch the rest of the game.

8.50: Nashelle watches a repeat of America’s Next Top Model. She likes to see the transformations and the final photographs. Nashelle knows she could never have been a model as she is not at all photogenic. She watches Eat Yourself Sexy. How to increase your libido – salt and sugar are out and pumpkins seeds, oats and lettuce soup are in. Nashelle thinks about oats as she eats a bowl of Maple Crunch with 15g of sugar per 45g of cereal.

11.00: Nashelle’s eyelids are drooping. She goes upstairs and tells Son2 that she is going to bed and to switch off his laptop. She takes a Sleep Aid tablet and reads Fleur Adcock poems in bed. Son1 comes in and says, have you seen the rain? Nashelle looks out of the window and sees a river running down the street. She wonders if it will be like this in the morning and if Son2 should go to school. Son1 goes back to his room and Nashelle tells Son2 to switch his laptop off.

11.40: Nashelle is uncomfortable. She twists and turns. She waits for the Sleep Aid pill to take effect. She is just drifting off when someone clatters into the bathroom and bangs the swollen door shut. Nashelle hears teeth cleaning and then husband appears in bedroom. Do you have to make so much noise? she asks. Husband says it wasn’t him it was Son1. Husband goes out again and tells Son2 to switch off his laptop because he has school in the morning.

12.45: Nashelle is uncomfortable. She twists and turns. She begins to drift off. She might even be asleep. Husband gets out of bed and bumps into wardrobe on way to bathroom. Nashelle hears tinkling. Then nothing. Then more tinkling. Nashelle worries that husband has prostate problems. Nashelle begins to drift off again. Is woken by husband shouting at Son2 to close that laptop down or have it confiscated.

1.00: Nashelle is wide awake. Did you have to make so much noise? she asks Husband. Husband grumbles and snuggles further under the duvet. Nashelle sits on side of bed and puts on a performance worthy of the RSC. ‘Oh woe is me. It’s not fair. How would you like it if every time you went to sleep you were woken up? I can’t stand this torture. I’m going to find somewhere else to live.’ Husband says, shut up, I’m trying to sleep.

1.30: Nashelle can’t stop thinking about chocolate biscuits. She thinks of Eat Yourself Sexy and fights the urge to go downstairs raid the biscuit jar and watch crap TV.

2.00: Nashelle loses fight.

A conversation about holidays or why being easy-going is hard work.

Last month

Husband: Where do you want to go on holiday?
Nashelle: Iceland
Husband: Too expensive. Since the banks crashed a meal costs four times as much…
Nashelle: Germany.
Husband: Too expensive. A pint of beer is –
Nashelle: Norway, Sweden, Finland…
Husband: The Scandinavians don’t even go on holiday there, it’s so dear. Why d’you think they don’t drink?

Last week

Husband: where do you want to go on holiday?
Nashelle: Iceland, Germany, Finland, Norway…
Husband: (edited version) we can’t go to any of those places…

Day before yesterday
ditto

Last night

Husband: Are we going to go on holiday?
Nashelle: Yes.
Husband: We’d better book it, then.
Nashelle: The problem is we don’t know where we want to go.
Husband: Where do you want to go?
Nashelle: I’ve told you where I want to go. Where do you want to go?
Husband: I don’t mind where we go.
Nashelle: (thinks: Iceland, Norway, Germany…) I don’t mind,either.
Husband: I can go anywhere, me…
Nashelle: that doesn’t actually help.
Husband: …Turkey, Greece, Tenerife…
Nashelle: so which one?
Husband: Any one. I can go anywhere.
Nashelle (getting irritated): You don’t mind where you go, I don’t mind where I go, the kids don’t mind where they go – so where are we going to go?
Husband: waffle, waffle, waffle…
Nashelle (in slightly louder voice): If you go into the holiday shop and they ask 'where do you want to go?' we can't say anywhere;. Unless we pick a place we can’t actually go anywhere.
Husband: I don’t mind where I go.
Nashelle: Hey, that’s funny, neither do I. So where are we going?

to be continued…

And Sunday morning...

13th Nov.

11.00 Nashelle is washing clothes.

12.00 Nashelle is washing clothes

1.00 Nashelle is washing dishes. And clothes.

1.30 Nashelle takes bag of dirty duvet covers up the lane. Asks her mother if she will wash them, hide them or bin them. Nashelle's father says the apple tree is ready for planting. He has asked Son1 to dig a hole last week. Nashelle says she will tell Son1 to get digging. Father says, don't 'tell' him to do it - ask him.

1.45 Nashelle asks Son1 if he will dig a hole eighteen inches by two foot. Son1 one has just got out of bed and is searching the house for a ethernet cable. Nashelle gets emotive: Your Grandfather wants you to do it.

2.00 Nashelle is in garden wondering where to dig the hole.

2.15 Nashelle's father plants apple tree. Now there are six trees and a large bush. Much better than a plain lawn that no one ever uses, Nashelle says. We always sit on the patio, she says. In a planter is a tree with red leaves. Nashelle's father takes a leaf. He will identify it from his book. he says not to plant the tree in the garden until spring.


3pm Nashelle is cooking. She wonders if cooking Chicken Tonight is allowed at this time of the day. Cat2 is crying for food. Nashelle is practising ignoring Cat2 by pretending the constant mewling is the trickle of water in a Japanese fountain. Cat2 wonders why, if Nashelle is in the kitchen, it isn't being fed.

4.15 Son2 gets out of bed. Husband comes home from work. Husband notices new tree and says how he prefers to lie on the lawn in summer rather than sit on the patio. This is the last tree, he says. Nashelle looks at tree with red leaves and thinks 'sure...'

5.00 Nash family sit at dining table to eat. Son1 wolfs dinner - it is really his breakfast because it's the first thing he's eaten today. Son2, who is in his dressing gown, complains that the chicken on his plate is 'leftovers' and tastes foul. Nashelle argues that chicken is fresh but Son2's delicate palate knows this is chicken that has been cooked and frozen. Husband says Son2 would be no good in the jungle.

5.10 Nashelle announces that she is not doing the washing up. Husband says he's done eight hours work today so he isn't washing up either. Sons1 darts upstairs. Son2 goes to kitchen for biscuits.

***

8pm Nashelle is watching X Factor and knitting jumper with a duck on front. Husband is providing voice over for each contestant.
8.10 The lights dim and Nashelle knows someone has gone in the shower.

8.30 The light is still dim. Husband goes upstairs to see who is taking so long. Nashelle hears Husband shouting about not being able to afford food. Lights brighten. Husband comes back to the sofa, says Son2 has no sense and was running shower to fill bath.

9.00 The lights dim. Nashelle goes upstairs. She needs a wee and can't wait any longer. She also wants to know why the shower is back on. The bath is empty. Son2 is now having a shower. The bath water went cold so he couldn't wash he says.
The bathroom floor is a swimming pool. Nashelle leaves bathroom door open. Son2 slams door. Husband growls and goes to wash dishes for something to do.

10.30. Nashelle has finished sewing duck cardigan together. She gets a drink of water. Cooker is still covered in pots and pans. Sink drainer is full of food scraps and greasy water. She leaves it there.

That night Nashelle dreams she is walking up a country lane heading back to Caerphilly. She meets Shirley who used to go to the spiritualist church riding a bicycle in the opposite direction. Nashelle says, I wish I had my bike. Shirley rides away and then the next minute she rides back with Nashelle's bike. Nashelle is surprised Shirley is so quick.
Shirley takes Nashelle to someone's house, where they have tea. Nashelle wants to leave but doesn't know how she will manage to ride a bike and carry the small child that has just appeared. She considers catching the ferry but it costs £35 and she thinks that is expensive just to go home. She doesn't fancy riding back up the lane in the dark on her own with a child.

Another Saturday Night...

12am Nashelle goes to bed leaving Son2 with friend in living room. Cat1 decides to sleep on Nashelle's head. Nashelle tries to sleep on half inch of pillow.

2am The house is alive with the sound of Son2 and friend interacting like it's the middle of the day. Nashelle's husband gets up to sort it out. 

2.30 Nashelle get up to sort it out. Tells Son2 to go to bed.

2.45 Nashelle hears laptop sounds. Gets up, tells Son1 (who is still on computer) that she is disconnecting BB so Son2 can't use it.

2.50 Nashelle hears nothing. She listens for 'sneaking' sounds. Son2 is very clever. Nashelle finds him hiding in the kitchen. He's getting a drink, he says. 'In the dark?' Nashelle says. Son2 argues that he wants to sleep downstairs with friend but Nashelle isn't having it.

3am Nashelle listens.

Nashelle thinks she might have slept. She might have even had dreams. They were probably not nice ones.

                                                      ***

10.15am Nashelle realises there is no rain and gets up to put washing on.

12.00 Husband says, come to Caerphilly, but Nashelle is up to neck in dirty towels.

1pm Still washing.

2pm Still washing. And also cooking. Husband goes out again, Son2 and friend have turned living room into student accommodation. Son1 is still in bed.

3pm Still washing. Husband still out. Living room is no-go zone. Son1 has pasty for breakfast. Nashelle lets him know she is worried that he is becoming anorexic. Son1 thinks Nashelle is shouting but she thinks she isn't. Nashelle's pumpkin cupcakes are flat and wet. She cooks pizza for Son2 and friend who then go out. Living room looks like the day after the night before.

Sometime after it goes dark husband returns. Son1 reappears and enquires about food. Son2 rings and asks if they are having Chinese. Nashelle has lost track of time. Son1 asks when she is going shopping because he wants food. Nashelle shows him full cupboard and freezer. Son1 says, 'You always say you are cooking something exotic but produce the same old thing.' Nashelle doesn't remember doing this and asks for an example. Son1 doesn't have example and says he doesn't care anyway. Nashelle says she wishes somebody did care because having to decide what people eat is driving her a little crazy. Husband says he's had enough of her going on. Son1 says she's shouting again and that he's going to the chip shop. Husband attempts to cook rice (after Nashelle has found it for him) but doesn't get further than reading the packet. Husband marches off to Tesco for cat food. Comes back with a cake thing with chocolate chips. Says he doesn't want to fight.

Nashelle has no idea of the time. Her back is aching. She manages to get food onto plates for husband and Son1.

7.30 Husband takes Nashelle to watch fireworks from the top of Caerphilly mountain. Lanes are like the M4. Arrive by the snack bar as last rocket fizzes and people are leaving. Drive home via Lisvane to avoid traffic. Stop at vantage point and look at fireworks all over Cardiff. Nashelle realises it is not so spectacular viewed from afar.

8.30 Nashelle has a bath. Watches X Factor and other assorted TV junk. She realises she is becoming the person she used to be before she started writing and wonders how she has regressed to this point. She sees the M5 crash on TV but doesn't think too deeply about it.

11.30 Nashelle retires for the night.

12.15 Son1 sits on bed and asks Nashelle for ideas for his personal uni statement. Nashelle thinks she has entered a different dimension.

Nashelle dreams about men tearing the skin off animals and killing people. Of escaping through a window onto a roof. She dreams about cooking a meal for fifteen people. She is swamped with dishes and food in various stages of preparation. She is hungry. She puts food on a plate for herself but finds it in a cupboard sometime later. No one gets anything to eat. She dreams about her mother's dog. About living in a flat in a strange town. All her cats are there - even the dead ones. Son1 is there. He is cooking with a friend. Nashelle suggests Son1 and friend take over the flat and she lives somewhere else. Nashelle is going to act as solicitor to a guy she's never met. She wonders how she will bluff it.